MLB Tank Talk: The Brown Padres has the Answer

By Fenton Parkway



"The Beauty is in its simplicity, once the [draft] gets too complex, everything can go wrong..."
Sobchak Security Owner, Walter Sobchak

Since it's all anyone is talking about these days, I'll chime in the Tank Talk that's sweeping the nation.
With ten seconds of using logic I created a draft order algorithm that PENALIZES tanking, instead of encouraging it. This may not be enough to stop all owners from half-assing it while their profits skyrocket, but it could be a step in the right direction. 

In the spirit of the quote above from the owner of Sobchak security, which from I can tell is across the street from the Del Taco on Santa Monica and Highland, let's keep things simple. Are you ready for this?  Here we go:

The first pick of the draft goes to the team who wins the world series



You win, you get the best prize, f*ck all the losers. The rest of the draft goes like so...

2nd Pick => Loser of World Series, (or first loser in the words of Reese Bobby on peyote).
3rd Pick => Loser of League championship with more wins than the other LC loser.
4th Pick => The other league championship loser.

Fill in blanks using the above logic, with no arbitrary penalties to complicate things. Last pick goes to the worst team in the league, measured by the amount of losses.

That's it, not a single game, all the way to game 7 of the World Series, gives any sort of reward for losing. No cute rules for arbitrary win loss records, or arbitrary penalties when you don't meet the arbitrary rules, or arbitrary resetting of the penalties when you do exceed the arbitrary rules. Just win as much as you can and be rewarded more than the teams that win less.

So that's it, let's just hope Autobahn doesn't ask us to throw the money off the bridge.


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